worrying

A moment of truth from my life: it’s hard to leave things in God’s hands. Yes, I know that he is omnipotent, omnipresent, and omniscient. Yes, I know that his plans far exceed what I could imagine for myself. And yes, I know that my anxiety will not change anything for the better. But when it comes down to the practical side of things I still worry. I’m nervous about summer plans – about doors I thought were being opened. Maybe they aren’t. Maybe they are and I can’t see them. Maybe they will be and aren’t yet. Or maybe, just maybe, the Lord is going to surprise me with something far more wonderful and exciting than I could have planned. I don’t know and that scares me. Not the not knowing part – the part where I should be acting, planning, and preparing, yet I have not received direction as to his will.

Until this point I have done well (in my opinion anyway) =) I have been pretty confident in mentioning my desire to go on a missions trip. Confident in mentioning that I don’t know where, when, or for how long. And confident in mentioning that I knew the Lord had it all under control. But the deadlines are fast approaching. Definite answers are needed. Commitments need to be made. And since I have neither of the last two filled with plenty of the first, my natural tendency is to revert to worrying.

I guess it comes down to faith – a tangible, here-is-the-test act of faith. The Lord is asking if I am willing to trust him and leave it in his hands. I want to. And believe me, I have grown much in this area. But there is still space for growth – a large amount of growth. And that is what I am speaking of – the space where growth needs to happen. The space where we know we struggle, yet the Lord gently asks us to follow him and stick close to his side, even if we don’t feel completely prepared or qualified. He will equip us for any and all situations and circumstances. I am learning that more as I grow in him. What a blessed truth.

So yes, it’s hard for me to leave things in God’s hands, but with his grace and gentle reminders I will seek to rely on his wisdom, timing, plans, and purposes.