jello

Here are bits and pieces of a poem a friend wrote when we were together in high school. For some reason I've been thinking about them ever since. Maybe it's because I wish I could have helped in some way; maybe it's because I feel the same way all too often. Maybe it's because I know a greater victory and I long to leave these words behind me. Regardless, here they are...

Brick Wall of Jell-O

Years I've spent building myself up
Becoming tough and strong
Or making others think so.

A permanent smile painted on a brick wall.
Struggle and pain- no big deal.
Sympathy for others- always there.
On the inside- Jell-O.

You thought you knew me- you were wrong.
I thought you knew me- I was wrong.
You thought I knew me,
I thought I knew me.

That smile was permanent.
Twist my ankle- smile.
Twist it again- smile more.
Hurt my knee, feet, shoulder- smile
Play harder- smile more
Never break down- I could handle it.
Stress- no problem, throw it at me.
Work- never stop.
Cry- never
A hole in the wall-patch it and move on.

That's what I thought I was,
Bricks and mortar- a little paint.

My throat hurt- smile.
Sing- it hurt- smile.
Sing harder- more pain- smile harder.
The pain too much? never. almost.

You thought I was strong,
I fooled you.
Jell-O was the only thing holding me together.
Jell-O is stronger than bricks.
No one knew what was happening inside me
The smile tricked you.
And I smiled even harder.

You did not understand the pain.
You will never understand the joy of the cure.
I will regain my strength and power.
Bricks will soon cover the Jell-O again.
A smile will be repainted,
Only I will know what truly holds me together-Jell-O
~bY