birth

I should have been anticipating a call soon - a call announcing your arrival. Alas, I did receive a call but it was much too soon.

I should have been praying for you, for your safe delivery, and for your mother, for her safety while she delivered. Alas, I did, but it was a prayer of thanks for your mother’s safety after the fact.

I should have been planning a trip to come see you and hold you. Alas, I did, but I was not able to see you, only the place where you laid.

I should have been wrapping little pinks and pastels in a gift for you. Alas, I bought them and have them sitting in a bag on the table next to my bed. I thought about giving them to another child, but it doesn’t seem right to give away something intended for someone so special. So I don’t, and they still sit on my table. Reminding me of you. And of your mother.

I should have been happy now – boasting to everyone that my best friend had her first daughter. Alas, I told a few people, but it was not the same. It’s not a boasting thing when you are not here to show off.

I miss you dear child. As the projected day of your birth comes and goes, I pray for your mother. I pray for strength, courage, and love. I pray that the tears would come and that the anguish would go. I pray for strong loving arms to hold her, and I pray that she would be comforted during this time of pain and sorrow. I pray for the precious little ones she so tenderly cares for. Little ones like you Cadence. I pray that she would be able to help save and nurture little ones like you, who otherwise would not make it.

I’m sad that you didn’t make it, but I am so thankful that your mother did. I'm so thankful…