sadness

For me? The phone is for me? Who could be calling me now? And who knows I’m here? Oh, yay. It is the familiar voice of a friend - a voice not heard enough. Hi – How are you doing?

I slowly walk into the living room, leaving the chatter of the kitchen behind. As I focus on the words at the other end of the receiver my heart skips, my mind stops, and my knees give way. I sink into a corner of the couch and stare in disbelief. News that should have brought great joy now brought pain and sadness. Died? Her baby died? And so too, did all the hopes and dreams one has for their child.

I hung up the phone and sat there as tears poured from my eyes. I curled up in the fetal position and snuggled into the corner of the couch. Yes, the cushions were smothering me, but I didn’t care. There’s something about being in that position that makes someone feel better; it’s almost as if you can will yourself into seclusion.

A few moments passed and my friend gingerly walked in – she knew. Friends do. She sat next to me and quietly told me that if I wanted to talk she wanted to listen. I don’t remember saying much – just crying. It was ok though – she just held me and let me cry.

Once again I sit here and am reminded of the power of death. Ironically so: Jesus hung on a cross two thousand years ago – tomorrow we celebrate his resurrection. How can death be so victorious, yet so painful?

I know we will be reunited some day but I want you here now. Selfish, yes, but I cannot help but weeping. I am forever indebted to the death that will allow our reunion, yet ironically, it was death that took you from us. I am not bitter, just sad. Sad that death happens, and sad that it happens when we least expect it. Sad that friends die, and sad that friends experience the death of friends. I know you are in control Lord and sometimes that is all I have to lean on. Please comfort the hurting and become joy for those who mourn. Be near in times of silence and anger, sorrow and pain. Be near when words will not come, and be even nearer when they will not stop. Surround us with your infinite love. You are the Comforter and Healer; please Lord, do just that.